Holes
by Aki and Tenshi
Summary: JavaJunkie oneshot. Luke's feelings and take on his breakup with Lorelai during Season 5.'It seemed that everything reminded him of her.'


AKI- I'm in a song-fic one-shot mood laatly, so here's another. It is Java Junkie. Based in the fifth season during Luke and Lore's breakup. Happy ending all the way. Inspired by the sing 'Holes' by Rascal Flatts.

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**"Holes"**

Luke stormed into his bedroom in his apartment above the diner. It had been a bad day. Last night, Luke learned Lorelai had lied by omission about Chris. He needed time to think stuff over, to think _them _over, but she pressured him and he dumped her…he blew it.

_There's three in the Hall from those pictures in the closet_

He glanced over three framed photographs of Lorelai on the wall. She had put them there herself, complaining that there were no pictures of her in the apartment. He looked at them, his heart almost melting, but not before it burst with angry. He suddenly tore them from the wall, the nails they hung on with them and furiously tossed them in the closet and slammed the door behind them.

_Two in the bedroom from that night I lost it_

With the momentum, Luke punched the wall, breaking hole into the drywall. It didn't help, because now he had a hole to fix and a hand that hurt like hell. He punched the wall again, with his other hand, in pain. Now he had two holes and two throbbing hands…

_And one deep inside me determined to stay_

…but they did distract him from the pain inside, to be exact, the hole in his heart. The emptiness and loneliness and uselessness he felt without _her_ their.

_  
They don't get any bigger but they don't go away_

Luke was too frustrated to fix anything he broke tonight. He stared at the damage he had done in his apartment, but did not make any moves to temporarily or permanently repair them. It would have been better if he did, because they reminded and symbolized the own hole and damage in his soul. _  
_  
_Holes in and around me I keep falling back into  
Holes dig in and surround me  
God knows what I'm gonna do  
To fill in these holes left by you  
Left by you_

Luke looked around his apartment in silence. It seemed so empty and lifeless as he had just hidden everything that reminded him of or was hers. Never had the place seemed more bland and less like home them right then. 

I pour drink after drink but nothing hit bottom

He sat on his easy chair, staring at the mind-numbing television, but not really watching it. He drained out the rest of his beer in one solid swallow. It had been his second, or third, or fourth…he wasn't really sure now, but they weren't helping. Still, all he could think of was her, was Lorelai. He smile, her laugh, her humor, and the way she came to him in the market, uncharacteristically desperate and the expression of being destroyed when he told her he couldn't be in a relationship with her.

_  
I've been on my knees admitted my problems_

Early the next day, Luke went to church, not for a service, but just to sit their. The last time he had been in a church was his father's funeral. It was kind of funny that the only time he went to pray was when something bad happened in his life, something terrible.

_The love that we made still barely an echo_

That night, when the clock chimed ten Luke crawled into his bed for lack of anything better to do. In the dim moon light, coming in-between the blinds he thought he saw Lorelai lying next to him, peacefully asleep, but as he reached out to touch her, she was gone, just a dream.

_I'll try anything in these vacant hollow_

Luke felt desperate as he fell asleep. He almost wanted to move away, as though he could move away from the pain. It was a stupid idea, he knew he wouldn't, ever. He also knew he could never get rid of this pain, ever. He had to contend himself with throwing people out of the diner and burning food. 

Holes in and around me I keep falling back into  
Holes dig in and surround me  
God knows what I'm gonna do  
To fill in these holes left by you  
Left by you

She had called last night in desperation and tears, babbling about some movie and asking him to come over, because she needed a friend right then to comfort her. Luke listened to her message as she pleaded for him to come, and without hesitation he went, but she wasn't their when he got their.

Luke broke the lock of the back door, looked around and came out the front to find her their, with his answering machine tape, apologizing and saying it would be the last time he would have to deal with something crazy from his _ex-girlfriend_. But he didn't want it to be. 

There's two through my hands and one through my feet  
From this cross that I bare to the day that I see

Luke Danes had never felt pain like this before, except maybe at his parents' deaths. He hadn't felt this way over Rachel, and the times she left. He hadn't felt this way over Nicole, their divorce and her cheating on him. He had never felt this way about a girl before…and that's why he knew he had made a mistake.

_  
Its guilt and its blame its shame and its love_

Everything they had had been real and genuine and still was. He had broken up with Lorelai because he had blamed her. Blamed her for lying and pushing and forcing him to do what he did, but now he just blamed himself._  
_

_Seeking the truth I dug them myself_

And all the holes he had, in his heart, in his soul, and in his apartment wall were his fault. If he was honest with himself, he dug these holes on his own. 

All these holes dig in and surround me

Luke picked up the pictures of Lorelai off the closet floor. He stared at them. They were now distorted by the broken glass that clung in the frames, but it was a mirror of his broken heart. She was what his heart was broken over, but he was the why. He caused it. He was the reason…

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God knows what I'm gonna' do_

Late one night, Emily Gilmore came into the diner. Luke tried to ignore her, but finally he listened and he was glad he did. She said some things that weren't really important, but one thing stood out, "She wants you Luke," followed by some scorn. He didn't know why it took a conversation with Emily Gilmore to see what he knew all along. He loved Lorelai and she loved him. What more was their?

_  
To fill up these holes left by you_

Luke rushed right over to Lorelai's house, knocked on the door, and when she answered, embraced her and kissed her. He learned right then and there that the only thing that could fill him up inside was right now in his arms.

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